It’s been forever, I know, but I just don’t seem to be having time.
As much as I'd constantly been reminding me that my blog was garnering cobwebs, I never got around to it.
These last 2 months have been insane. Not entirely on the work front as most people might obviously assume, but on the socializing front. *so productive* right?
Then there came along a slack point.
As all relationships and excessive good times carry along in the background.
It’s a blind spot.
Things slow down, interactions become less, and there’s a silent eeriness in the group no one is willing to disturb.
Having hype around is soul-heartening.
Restlessness I cannot handle. I must either be in drama, or creating one. Not having either by my side makes me want to curl up into myself and explode into a wall.
Exaggerating much? Maybe.
Either it’s for one thing, or another, I MUST be out, allowing myself to be pulled into the addictive entertainment outside of my work life.
There are times when I feel so lost though. I don’t know where I
belong. I don’t know if I’m supposed to be the way I am. I go into inept debates with my brain and come to temporary conclusion that I should just shut up and stay oblivious to my surroundings.
It doesn’t happen.
I start to question whether or not I belong to the cliques I’m with. I question my standpoint towards situations. My wind whirls and tumbles into a dark hole and I scrunch up hating the world for making me feel this way.
I try to un-plug the little nagging notes of contemplation away and imagine myself on the beach.
Alone. No worries. Just me and my peace-filled thoughts. What fun is there in that again?
I’m turning bi-polar.
I need to sit back and relax. Be happy with what I have and not worry about irrelevant editions of stupidity that I cannot revolutionize.
I am above all – is what I should I think to make myself feel better about the non-responsive of the current state of affairs.
Yes, I think I'll do that.
Vanity is bliss.